Yeah so, I dunno why I'm writing in here. I just got yelled at via text message to be quiet because I've apparently woken my brother up two times or something. Still can't decide if having parents who text is a good thing or not.

But yeah, I was watching some Evil Iguana Production movies and shit, hence the laughing that apparently woke the baby--for the record if I had heard him awake I would have been quieter. I should be updating right now, but I can't seem to get going. I've gotten another two pages maybe? I just, I dunno, am having trouble pushing it along. I have stuff to put in in relation to the movie, but I feel like that's not enough to recreate the amazing commentary Jackie and I had on it--it needs some other funny stuff or something in it, and at the moment it ain't coming out.

Also been worried about the English movie. I'll feel like a giant shitstain if it doesn't come out as we intended. I have to finish scripting that by the end of vacation--why is it already Friday?! Plus the court cases for gov't, plus finish reading that book, plus poetry essay.

And don't even get me started on financial aid--just realized that this is a good example of an apostrophe--bonus 10 points for english term.

Yeah, so the deadline for everything (except Columbia) is or was the 15? Never checked with my dad to be sure that he filled out his info. Also, BU, Tufts, and I think Northeastern require copies of all the income forms and w2s? But they gave no dates. Columbia does, too, but everything is in March 2, so at least they have a date.

And another problem--they say that if you don't file taxes and stuff, you have to fill out a separate form with supporting documentation. Uh hi! Paid under the table! Was supposed to get put on payroll when I was 16 and guess what, never happened! Now I'm worried I'm going to get SHIT on by colleges.

This is all of course considering that my dad hasn't missed a deadline, that we haven't for the forms, etc. Thank GOD for Wagner, because I've already been accepted and they already sent the financial aid package they're giving me, so that takes some strain off of it.

Um, really nervous about all my other schools, namely Columbia. If I get in, I feel like I'd have to go. But, I really wanna have the freedom to come back home when I want to, and to hang out with friends. If I got in, and then Jackie got into Fordham, I'd feel better, but still, my workload would probably be so heavy my suicide risk would skyrocket. That's not even counting how her schedule would be. I mean, I don't know. I'd feel really proud to go there, but I don't want to go, and then not be able to take it and have to switch out. That's almost worse.

...still not updating. Fuck. And it's 2:48, I have to work at 4:30, which means leaving by quarter past. So I've only got an hour, really, to relax and try forcing out some more updates.

OH! I still don't have my license, I'm worried I won't be able to pay for a car, college, a new computer, Anime Boston reg/board, and the trip to New York, plus all my usual expenses. Plus there was a paycut.

Okay. I'm gonna go rest, brainstorm, and try not to jump off anything, and continue hoping that everything works out for the best.

...and I still haven't posted those French vids on Youtube because it's been being a bitch...

And I realize I only seem to write in here when I'm in a bad mood. That's a bad person to be--*Eddie Izzard* which is a good God to be.

Ou est?: my room that needs to be cleaned
Je suis: restless
Stuck in my head: nada

I feel so just...I don't even know anymore. There's so many things going on at once.

I'm frustrated/angry
that I have to switch for Saturday day to the night shift
that MacKenzie has taken my position in Brenna's life
    "         "               "         "     Jackie's position in Brenna's life
at myself for stupid shit
at school for existing
at my dad for being, well, a sucky dad
that my room is a wreck and I can never find anything
that I always feel like I'm the odd man out, like I try but never succeed...kinda like that guy in Greek mythology who was sentenced to push the boulder up a hill but every time he gets to the top it rolls back down to the bottom?
that there's this trend of me=happy, and then suddenly I do something wrong or someone's mad at me
when I can't focus on updating the batman fic, or they come out bad
that I haven't gotten my license
that I can't spell license 98% of the time (those two were the 2 out of 100 that I do spell right)

I'm sad
that I'm not as close to Brenna as I used to be
that she'd rather have MacKenzie over me
a, that Jackie hates working, and b, that I am forced to be the liaison that puts her through it
to feel like I'm the odd man out--like I try and never get anywhere
that I don't try in school like I should

I'm scared
to not get accepted to college and essentially let everyone's expectations down
that my dad won't get his financial aid shit in and it will keep me out of college
to disappoint people
to lose friends
to talk to anyone because I don't like crying around people (not including like crying at a movie, I mean crying at my life)
BECAUSE I'm scared to talk to anyone--I shouldn't be
because I can't cry unless I'm alone and/or in the dark (psychological maybe?)
to be alone in the *Flav* romantical *end* department, but that's always there and less so nowadays...
that I'm a bad person
that I'm going to forget/miss all the scholarship opportunities for college, including the UMass one that gives me a free ride
that I did something wrong in applying to school, like the fact that I'm not on a pay roll

I love
Jackie (yes it is okay to gag at that *sesseldore face*), Emily, Brenna, Margaux, Diane, Morgan, Sofia, Ari, Whipple, Amira, Devon, Christine, Bob, Justin, Chad (PURELY PLATONIC--not going down the other road again any time soon -_-), most definitely Hannah, and I do still love MacKenzie--I really don't want to hate her...
the batman fic
the prospect of the English movie
Wuthering Heights, more specifically Hareton
my rape-age of my midterms
Metalocalypse
Gildas for doing the job my dad should be doing
my teachers for putting up with me
being in art instead of physics...so much!
nights like my big super sleepover and the fun and not cold times in the D.C. hotel room

I think that probably nearly covers everything...there's probably more but, I think that was good enough for now. I should probably be updating right now...really bad...or at least working on scripting for the English movie...I'll work on the former soon...

Je suis: stressed

Yeah so haven't posted here in mm--five hundred years. I never could keep one of these going, but seeing as I pop on nearly every day to view a few communities, I figured I give this a posty.

Uh, so yeah. Entire house. Empty. This weekend. And someone very very good to us *cough* Emily *cough*  is going to be supplying some fun juice!

Also we're going to be watching the Godfather and Metalocalypse (also I have a God card)

...that's really it--I should probably be doing homework type things...

Ou est?: My room--hacking de wireless!
Stuck in my head: rien

Okay, had to do this one.

I believe I connect to Remus Lupin the most...

and by connect I mean want to marry the most :D

Tags: fictional counterpart, writer's block
Ou est?: Chez moi
Je suis: excited
Stuck in my head: Fury of the Storm, Dragonforce

 Well, I'm not going to waste time with intros so I'll just go right on to my day.

Went to school, as usual, nothing really interesting. The ride home was an adventure though, with Carl W.'s Steve Irwin impersonations. Then I went over the Jack's house and we did some sirius math work. Um...yeah... at least I have an entry now...

Ou est?: Kitchen table
Je suis: accomplished
Stuck in my head: Old time rock and roll, only because I'm watching a Scrubs Risky business parody